First | Prev || Next | Last
¿Question #224883?
mattomaw: What is your most memorable poop?

mattomaw: @Grimsaltoftheearth - wow!!!!
Grimsalt: When I was working in the ICU, my speciality was detecting constipation in patients on respirators - symptoms often overlooked by staff, out of convenience and time crunching. So my patient had been admitted from the wards overnight for respiratory distress, and apparently hadn’t had a stool in over 2 weeks. This information was disregarded as poor bookkeeping by staff, but when her BP started dropping enough to need sustenance through IV blood pressors, I challenged the status quo and discovered she had severe abdominal pain. NG tube insert returned stools. X-Ray showed chock-a-block constipation. It was too dire to use oral laxatives, so in this case, the attending doctor usually does a manual disimpacting technique. However, the residents had gone home early, so the chief of staff told me to administer I.V. Neostigmine instead. First dose, nothing. Second dose, nothing. Third dose, nothing. He leaves the building with an ominous chuckle and wishes us good luck. *Gulp* Change of shift over supper time : I give report to the next nurse, go to my locker and change into civilian clothes, double-back through the unit towards the exit door. I find my patient (still on ventilator, with tubes dangerously pulling) standing up at the foot of her bed ; half-naked in full view of all visitors, with only (1) nurse and no orderlies around. So naturally, I run to her side. She then proceeds to start shitting her life out on me, like a garden hose full of hot air - gushing ooze and exploding liquid intermittently. Remember this build-up is 2 weeks old. The floor is immediately covered in this slippery tarmac, in a radius of about 15 feet around us (~2m). Walking back to the bed is too dangerous, we risk falling ; so I yell the nurse over, she calls for help while I grab an office sized 45L garbage and place it behind the patient. She immediately fills it with shit, right up to the brim. I grab a second one within arms’ reach. Same thing. By now, the patient is shaking but is already feeling somewhat relieved ; despite onlooking visitors, fuck all dignity, poor her. Help arrives, I yell for standing O.R. screens to at least shield her from view, then call for towels and covers, like 20 of them, just to throw on the ground so ensure safer footing. then I grab a big 130L garbage - which she proceeds to fill over the next 5 min. (it was already maybe half full, idk, didn’t look before putting it to use). Meanwhile, the only other nurse was looking after 3 other critical patients. Eventually, the garden hose subsided, so I cleaned and bathed the exhausted patient with 2 orderlies. We called for housekeeping, but in blue collar fashion, they union’ed themselves out of mopping biological fluids, so I did that as well with our 2 orderlies (which were float team, on top of everything). When this “Code Brown” was over, my civilian clothes were drenched in infectious C.Difficilis diarrhea from head to toe ; so I used one of those infamous hospital showers and changed back into a uniform (just to wear something clean). By then, the assistant head nurse returned from her extended supper break at the bistro down the street, all surprised. Lucky her. At least she validated my over-time, which back then amounted to C$42 for an hour’s worth : just enough to replace my T-shirt and underwear (on a sale), but nothing else... All this happened about 10 years ago so yeah, most memorable poop.
TomTi89: All I will say is that there was a lot of panicking, but that it all worked out in the end!
pricero1: Went by the name of Shea...