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¿Question #227647?
notafish: You sense a threat! Which object near you is best suited to act as an improvised weapon and how would you use it to protect yourself?

TheGrimReeple: The non-improvised variety. Exactly as intended.
PolarDad: I'll start with words.
pwilz: The cardboard Pricero/un-named footman that I got from Michael at Okiecon. I will brandish it like a crucifix and say, "THE POWER OF PRICE COMPELS YOU!"